Merry & Grief

If you’re grieving a loved one, or navigating deaths of dreams, the holidays can be a pretty sticky time. All the images are of laughter and joy with friends and family, and you can’t help but  feel the pang of not being able to hug your mom, who passed away two years ago around Thanksgiving. Or you’re watching friends gather and you’re feeling the loss of so many friends who have moved away. 

And maybe it’s too tender to bring up, so you keep quiet and play along, keep the peace with your family. Because if you spoke the elephant out loud, who knows what hell will break loose–or more likely, what awkward silence may ensue. Who has time for that? But you’re tired, and fed up with the niceties. And you still feel lonely. 

What to do? Well, I don’t have an easy answer for you. It’s all hard because love is hard, and grief is hard. But I do know that everyone experiences death at some point, and losses more often than we’d like. So, even if you don’t talk about it, know you’re not alone. The person next to you on the commute train has experienced death in some form. The driver zipping past you in rush-hour traffic. The barista handing you your latte. Your father, driving you crazy as per usual. 

So, I invite you to welcome the part of you that wants to hide from all the pain. Maybe, the pain is the invitation. A welcome to tend to your fragile heart. And to be human together. No words necessary.